Oh What A Day!

Today was interesting. And while at the end of it I should be stressed, I'm not.

This week I started actually working as a BMS (Behavior Management Specialist), and I must say it is unlike any job I've ever had. I've had three clients in 1 week, but for the last two days, and tomorrow, I am working with my permanent client. My first day was my easiest, though I felt odd taking over someone else's client. Second day was a little difficult as I had a new client who was extremely hesitant to work with me. Then Wednesday was the roughest day yet, I met my permanent client and was given quite the introduction.

Today however I felt that I am doing my job well. My duties in my job are to help young people suffering from emotional/behavioral disorders manage they're behavior in an effective manner. Today, I did just that, and well! The success rate of the BMS program is about 35%, the chance that I will help my client overcome all of his problems is very slim, but today I felt like both he and I took a step towards that. Even though some of the issues I faced had the potential to be overwhelming, I left my job thinking that I made a difference.

My last blog was emotional, I apologize for the freak out. My past experiences have all led me to believe that long distance was the end all... but what Gilbert and I have is spectacular, whatever troubles we face we will work through them together. Neither of us will give up without a fight. For myself, I don't want him to go. But I want him to do what's best for him, and will be supportive every step along the way.

So there we go... a good update. My job gives me a feeling of accomplishment that I've been needing, I'm thinking clearly about my future in my relationship, and I'm finally doing theatre again! I'm happy with where I am at.

It's too late... I'm too tired...

Is there a correct response to the one you love telling you their undertaking something that will force you to be separate for months? I've been through 4 long distance relationships, and while only one of them was part of a serious relationship, all 4 suffered or ended as a result. So when I'm told that my boyfriend will be spending next summer away from me, I can't help but feel completely unsettled. It's months away! Almost a year, and yet I still can't escape the fear that history is doomed to repeat.

Gilbert is the most incredible boyfriend I've had. While I no longer can say we've never had a fight, I can still proudly say we have an obnoxiously healthy relationship. Far better off then anything I've experienced before, but even that doesn't make the thought of him going away for the summer any easier. Am I being ridiculous? Probably... But I've never had a long distance relationship turn out to be something good. So as a result I'm scared to death that it will only hurt us.

When you spend significant time apart from someone you're close to, you drift. It happens all the time, whether it's friends or boyfriends. While you're together, you grow together. When you're apart, your paths are different. So even if you're 100% faithful while apart, you're still continually changing into something different from the one you're apart from. Especially when significant life events take place during the time apart...

So yeah... I'd like advice. There's no fix to this solution, it's inevitable now. I just need to figure out how to deal with the stress it's already causing, and to deal with what it will be.

I realize I don't blog enough anymore. This summer was a few steps in the wrong direction for me, so I didn't feel compelled to write. I'll try to be a little better about it now that things are changing up some. I'll write a blog in the next few days with a more positive update. I promise my life is going well right now. I'm just having a sleepless night as a result of this.