Today was interesting. And while at the end of it I should be stressed, I'm not.
This week I started actually working as a BMS (Behavior Management Specialist), and I must say it is unlike any job I've ever had. I've had three clients in 1 week, but for the last two days, and tomorrow, I am working with my permanent client. My first day was my easiest, though I felt odd taking over someone else's client. Second day was a little difficult as I had a new client who was extremely hesitant to work with me. Then Wednesday was the roughest day yet, I met my permanent client and was given quite the introduction.
Today however I felt that I am doing my job well. My duties in my job are to help young people suffering from emotional/behavioral disorders manage they're behavior in an effective manner. Today, I did just that, and well! The success rate of the BMS program is about 35%, the chance that I will help my client overcome all of his problems is very slim, but today I felt like both he and I took a step towards that. Even though some of the issues I faced had the potential to be overwhelming, I left my job thinking that I made a difference.
My last blog was emotional, I apologize for the freak out. My past experiences have all led me to believe that long distance was the end all... but what Gilbert and I have is spectacular, whatever troubles we face we will work through them together. Neither of us will give up without a fight. For myself, I don't want him to go. But I want him to do what's best for him, and will be supportive every step along the way.
So there we go... a good update. My job gives me a feeling of accomplishment that I've been needing, I'm thinking clearly about my future in my relationship, and I'm finally doing theatre again! I'm happy with where I am at.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's too late... I'm too tired...
Is there a correct response to the one you love telling you their undertaking something that will force you to be separate for months? I've been through 4 long distance relationships, and while only one of them was part of a serious relationship, all 4 suffered or ended as a result. So when I'm told that my boyfriend will be spending next summer away from me, I can't help but feel completely unsettled. It's months away! Almost a year, and yet I still can't escape the fear that history is doomed to repeat.
Gilbert is the most incredible boyfriend I've had. While I no longer can say we've never had a fight, I can still proudly say we have an obnoxiously healthy relationship. Far better off then anything I've experienced before, but even that doesn't make the thought of him going away for the summer any easier. Am I being ridiculous? Probably... But I've never had a long distance relationship turn out to be something good. So as a result I'm scared to death that it will only hurt us.
When you spend significant time apart from someone you're close to, you drift. It happens all the time, whether it's friends or boyfriends. While you're together, you grow together. When you're apart, your paths are different. So even if you're 100% faithful while apart, you're still continually changing into something different from the one you're apart from. Especially when significant life events take place during the time apart...
So yeah... I'd like advice. There's no fix to this solution, it's inevitable now. I just need to figure out how to deal with the stress it's already causing, and to deal with what it will be.
I realize I don't blog enough anymore. This summer was a few steps in the wrong direction for me, so I didn't feel compelled to write. I'll try to be a little better about it now that things are changing up some. I'll write a blog in the next few days with a more positive update. I promise my life is going well right now. I'm just having a sleepless night as a result of this.
Gilbert is the most incredible boyfriend I've had. While I no longer can say we've never had a fight, I can still proudly say we have an obnoxiously healthy relationship. Far better off then anything I've experienced before, but even that doesn't make the thought of him going away for the summer any easier. Am I being ridiculous? Probably... But I've never had a long distance relationship turn out to be something good. So as a result I'm scared to death that it will only hurt us.
When you spend significant time apart from someone you're close to, you drift. It happens all the time, whether it's friends or boyfriends. While you're together, you grow together. When you're apart, your paths are different. So even if you're 100% faithful while apart, you're still continually changing into something different from the one you're apart from. Especially when significant life events take place during the time apart...
So yeah... I'd like advice. There's no fix to this solution, it's inevitable now. I just need to figure out how to deal with the stress it's already causing, and to deal with what it will be.
I realize I don't blog enough anymore. This summer was a few steps in the wrong direction for me, so I didn't feel compelled to write. I'll try to be a little better about it now that things are changing up some. I'll write a blog in the next few days with a more positive update. I promise my life is going well right now. I'm just having a sleepless night as a result of this.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Final week.
Today is the last monday I will have classes. I would say ever, but I may still end up at grad school somewhere down the road. I wish I could be enjoying this fact, but today wasn't the best day for me due to other issues. We'll put that all aside and give an honest update... since it's been far too long.
I graduate from college one week from this upcoming Saturday. My last day at work is one week from tomorrow. I move into my new apartment in less than a month. And finally, I start my new job 2 weeks from tomorrow. My life is undergoing the most drastic amount of change I've ever faced. I'm excited... there's still some stress, but now it's something different... pretty amazing!
On top of all of that, I'll be starting P90X again! I had been looking for my DVDs for some time and have finally reclaimed them, so it's time to start again. My try at P90X was cut short last time because of RENT. But due to my work schedule it's starting to look like I won't be able to do any shows this summer. While that may suck, I'm making the best of it by dedicating this summer to getting in shape. The best part about this is that I will not be doing it alone this time. Having Gilbert around to keep me accountable will be extremely helpful!
I realize this all may seem like a glossing over of what's happening, but it's just an update. I'm happy with my life. Great friends, amazing relationship, and huge opportunities on the door step. Life is good. I acknowledge I'll have some hard time still ahead of me, but I'm ready to face them.
I graduate from college one week from this upcoming Saturday. My last day at work is one week from tomorrow. I move into my new apartment in less than a month. And finally, I start my new job 2 weeks from tomorrow. My life is undergoing the most drastic amount of change I've ever faced. I'm excited... there's still some stress, but now it's something different... pretty amazing!
On top of all of that, I'll be starting P90X again! I had been looking for my DVDs for some time and have finally reclaimed them, so it's time to start again. My try at P90X was cut short last time because of RENT. But due to my work schedule it's starting to look like I won't be able to do any shows this summer. While that may suck, I'm making the best of it by dedicating this summer to getting in shape. The best part about this is that I will not be doing it alone this time. Having Gilbert around to keep me accountable will be extremely helpful!
I realize this all may seem like a glossing over of what's happening, but it's just an update. I'm happy with my life. Great friends, amazing relationship, and huge opportunities on the door step. Life is good. I acknowledge I'll have some hard time still ahead of me, but I'm ready to face them.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Where Do I Go?
I apologize for not writing a blog in over a month. As I've said before, this is a venue for me to put my thoughts into writing and think things through. Recently things have just been good, and so I've stopped trying to think too much about life.
I am facing the biggest change of my life, and while I am stressing about it, it isn't controlling my life. I'm on the hunt for a job, so far nothing is sticking, but I'm waiting to hear back from a few places.
Here's the major update, I've decided to stay in NM for a little while. I had originally been planning on moving to Denver to raise some money and build up my resume in order to eventually move to NYC. I've decided to stay in Abq for the time being and raise money for NYC here. There are many reasons going into this, but it's something I've accepted. I'm not yeilding to the land of entrapment, merely using a place I'm comfortable in as a springboard to my future. I have found a room mate and will be getting a two bedroom place with her in June and will therefore be sticking around NM for at least another year.
My show is going excellent, as is my relationship, and my friendships. My family life is on rocky ground, but surprisingly enough we're all staying afloat amidst it all. Life is good. I'm finally looking forward to being done with school. I don't know exactly what my life will be at that time, but I think I'm ready for it. Mentally at least, working on being fiscally ready for it.
I will do my best to updated sooner.
I am facing the biggest change of my life, and while I am stressing about it, it isn't controlling my life. I'm on the hunt for a job, so far nothing is sticking, but I'm waiting to hear back from a few places.
Here's the major update, I've decided to stay in NM for a little while. I had originally been planning on moving to Denver to raise some money and build up my resume in order to eventually move to NYC. I've decided to stay in Abq for the time being and raise money for NYC here. There are many reasons going into this, but it's something I've accepted. I'm not yeilding to the land of entrapment, merely using a place I'm comfortable in as a springboard to my future. I have found a room mate and will be getting a two bedroom place with her in June and will therefore be sticking around NM for at least another year.
My show is going excellent, as is my relationship, and my friendships. My family life is on rocky ground, but surprisingly enough we're all staying afloat amidst it all. Life is good. I'm finally looking forward to being done with school. I don't know exactly what my life will be at that time, but I think I'm ready for it. Mentally at least, working on being fiscally ready for it.
I will do my best to updated sooner.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Food Inc.
I'm sitting in my apartment (well lying down) watching Food Inc. I had been wanting to see this movie since before it was in theatres as two of the primary contributors in it wrote the two books that finally made me a vegetarian. Michael Pollan is the author of The Omnivore's Dilemma, a book which outlines and explores the path four meals took to get to his dinner plate. The second book is Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser, which takes a deep look at the fast food industry. If any of the people who read this are at all interested in reading these books I have copies of both and would gladly lend anyone a copy.
This movie is making extremely uncomfortable at some points, and incredibly frustrated the entire time. I try to not be the person who analyzes what everyone is eating and tell them why they shouldn't be eating it. But seeing the way the animals in the feedlots and in the slaughterhouses are treated and raised is making me want to scream at people as they pick up a package of boneless/skinless chicken breasts from the shelves at Smiths. Chickens who are genetically modified to grow so big so fast they can't even stand up to walk and get a drink of water, cows who have been antibiotic laced corn their entire lives who form abscessed rumens that are so sick they become unable to make the walk to the lines to be killed so they are shove (not lifted) by forklifts into the correct area, are just a few of the signs that we are abusing our abilities as intelligent animals.
I am 100% behind people being omnivorous, it's what we have evolved to be, but it should never be at the expense of another living creature's suffering. Yes, we have to kill to eat meat, but do we have to make these cows, chickens, and pigs live tortured lives only to end up on our plate? People choose to ignore how badly their meal suffered. It's is illegal to torture human beings; Is that because they're humans just like we are, or because they have the capacity to be mentally and physically scarred by it? If it's the former, than we have fallen into a role of being disgustingly arrogant creatures who see themselves as being superior to every single living creature on the planet. If it's the latter, then we have the same obligation to treat animals with respect that we do humans. They suffer, mentally and physically, the same ways we would if we were forced to live in the conditions we force them to live in.
I know that few people will read this, and even fewer will be inspired to look further into their food as a result... But for me it's something that gets me going. I feel disgusted by the way we treat other creatures. I choose to watch the videos of the inhumanity because I need to know where my food comes from, others don't feel the same. And as badly as I want everyone to be exposed to this, I will continue to respect people's decision to remain blind to it all.
The only way things will be changed is if more people care, if less people accept the inhumanity. But this won't happen. The most I can do is live my life the way I think is best, and be ready to explain and share when people are honestly curious.
This movie is making extremely uncomfortable at some points, and incredibly frustrated the entire time. I try to not be the person who analyzes what everyone is eating and tell them why they shouldn't be eating it. But seeing the way the animals in the feedlots and in the slaughterhouses are treated and raised is making me want to scream at people as they pick up a package of boneless/skinless chicken breasts from the shelves at Smiths. Chickens who are genetically modified to grow so big so fast they can't even stand up to walk and get a drink of water, cows who have been antibiotic laced corn their entire lives who form abscessed rumens that are so sick they become unable to make the walk to the lines to be killed so they are shove (not lifted) by forklifts into the correct area, are just a few of the signs that we are abusing our abilities as intelligent animals.
I am 100% behind people being omnivorous, it's what we have evolved to be, but it should never be at the expense of another living creature's suffering. Yes, we have to kill to eat meat, but do we have to make these cows, chickens, and pigs live tortured lives only to end up on our plate? People choose to ignore how badly their meal suffered. It's is illegal to torture human beings; Is that because they're humans just like we are, or because they have the capacity to be mentally and physically scarred by it? If it's the former, than we have fallen into a role of being disgustingly arrogant creatures who see themselves as being superior to every single living creature on the planet. If it's the latter, then we have the same obligation to treat animals with respect that we do humans. They suffer, mentally and physically, the same ways we would if we were forced to live in the conditions we force them to live in.
I know that few people will read this, and even fewer will be inspired to look further into their food as a result... But for me it's something that gets me going. I feel disgusted by the way we treat other creatures. I choose to watch the videos of the inhumanity because I need to know where my food comes from, others don't feel the same. And as badly as I want everyone to be exposed to this, I will continue to respect people's decision to remain blind to it all.
The only way things will be changed is if more people care, if less people accept the inhumanity. But this won't happen. The most I can do is live my life the way I think is best, and be ready to explain and share when people are honestly curious.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Out of mind.
I have neglected my blog for a longer period than I ever have since creating it... woops! Life has been nuts since RENT though and writing a blog never came into my mind as something I should do. But here I am to do what I can while still working. (that's right, I'm blogging at my job)
This blog will be short, and it will probably be a little while before I can post another one as I no longer have a home computer. It finally died... really sucks, but my files will be safe and I'll be getting a Macbook Pro in the weeks to come... can't really be sad about losing my old PC!
Generally I use my blog as a place to get out negative feelings, to put down in writing the things that are getting me down or distracting me from my goals. One of the reasons I haven't posted in a while is because I've been extremely happy as of late. I've been incredibly hesistant ever since Lee and I broke up to apply the title of "boyfriend" to any relationship I formed. I wanted to be sure that the next time I agreed to be in a relationship that it would be healthy and for the right reasons. Anyone who keeps up with me in any capacity knows that I am now dating Gilbert. He and I had been friends for over a year when something clicked for both of us. Because I had known him so well before hand, once we were in a relationship the walls I had built up for so long were quickly torn down. I have found someone who I feel I can share anything with and not be afraid of how he will respond. I am allowed to be myself around him all the time and know that even the weird things he'll embrace as part of who I am, just as I do for him. It's something amazing that I've never really experienced in a relationship. I honestly couldn't be happier with where I am in my love life, this is something special.
I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring my way. I have amazing friends, a spectacular relationship and countless oppertunities to explore my passions placed in my path. I know of several trials that are headed my way as well, and there will be other challenges I don't see coming, but I am ready for whatever life throws at me this year. I feel have the support I need and the personal strength required to conquer the world!
This blog will be short, and it will probably be a little while before I can post another one as I no longer have a home computer. It finally died... really sucks, but my files will be safe and I'll be getting a Macbook Pro in the weeks to come... can't really be sad about losing my old PC!
Generally I use my blog as a place to get out negative feelings, to put down in writing the things that are getting me down or distracting me from my goals. One of the reasons I haven't posted in a while is because I've been extremely happy as of late. I've been incredibly hesistant ever since Lee and I broke up to apply the title of "boyfriend" to any relationship I formed. I wanted to be sure that the next time I agreed to be in a relationship that it would be healthy and for the right reasons. Anyone who keeps up with me in any capacity knows that I am now dating Gilbert. He and I had been friends for over a year when something clicked for both of us. Because I had known him so well before hand, once we were in a relationship the walls I had built up for so long were quickly torn down. I have found someone who I feel I can share anything with and not be afraid of how he will respond. I am allowed to be myself around him all the time and know that even the weird things he'll embrace as part of who I am, just as I do for him. It's something amazing that I've never really experienced in a relationship. I honestly couldn't be happier with where I am in my love life, this is something special.
I am looking forward to what 2010 will bring my way. I have amazing friends, a spectacular relationship and countless oppertunities to explore my passions placed in my path. I know of several trials that are headed my way as well, and there will be other challenges I don't see coming, but I am ready for whatever life throws at me this year. I feel have the support I need and the personal strength required to conquer the world!
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