I suppose I should have known I'd be tired. Going from the gym to work to rehearsal and then home and to bed to repeat the next day should be obviously exhausting. I thought though that I'd be getting something worthwhile out of some of it. Instead I'm left with a week that is day after day of the same routine with nothing uplifting to keep me motivated
The gym is no longer a thrill as most mornings I am too tired to really enjoy it, it becomes a chore to pull myself out of the house that early in the morning. I've stopped going in the afternoons after work as it would leave me with far too little time to get something to eat before rehearsal.
Work has always been boring, but more and more I feel trapped in a job that is a bigger waste of time than any other job I've done. I do more than the majority of my co-workers while being paid the same, incredibly inadequate, wage. John was insistent the other day on knowing how much I made, I refused to tell him because I'm embarrassed... with any luck however I'll be put into a new position with in the month which will pay significantly more.
The one thing I thought would bring enjoyment above any of the others was the show I'm in. Instead of it being something amazing it's me doing my part amidst a few older men who either don't know they're lines or forget every blocking change from the night before. It's incredibly frustrating.
Add into this the things weighing heavily on my mind (the issues with my grandmother, the issues with my sister {which have hit an all time low}, the fear of what is to come in my life after college, etc.) and it's no wonder why I'm tired of things as they are.
I'm ready for change, I'm ready for something stable, I'm ready for something to bring me comfort. I recently decided that I will definitely be moving into a single bedroom apartment come August. No more room mate drama, more privacy, and the space I need to execute future plans of mine. This move will be something good... As will the opening of my show, which will free up my weeknights, giving me the opportunity to relax more and do something for me.
Things are being a pain right now, but one by one things will fall into line that will make things better. My family troubles are completely out of control, so I have to learn to accept them and move on.
Sorry for the Debbie Downer style update, my next one will be after the show opens and with any luck I'll have something uplifting to write next time.
