After this long.

I just got home from class, I have a little more than thirty minutes before I have to run off to our opening of Broadway Your Way! This is how I choose to spend that time.

I rarely drive during rush hour as my schedule doesn't normally permit it, with rehearsal and all I'm rarely on the road shortly after five. Today was an exception. On my way home I witnessed two things that really bothered me. The first was a small sedan that drove past me, two adults in the front and a baby in a car seat accompanied by a woman in the back. The baby couldn't have been more than two months old. The woman sitting next to the child was smoking a cigarette, the window was crack in what would appear to be a pathetic attempt to not fill the cabin with cigarette smoke. The second situation was a few minutes later when the airport shuttle van in front of me had a still smoking cigarette butt fly out the window onto the asphalt.

Now here's my problem, and I'll start with my less extreme stance and then move to the more extreme one. I completely support the ban of smoking in public places, it is a disgusting activity that is a danger to not only the person lighting up. Take for instance the baby in the back seat of that car. AN INFANT!! The child cannot choose to not inhale the vast amounts of smoke polluting his(or her) air supply. The complete lack of responsibility on the part of the adults in that car is revolting. The slit in the window was only wide enough for the smoker to knock the embers off of the end of the cigarette when it was called for. This child will grow up with several lung defects from the atrocious display of parenting.

Next we have the asshole working for the airport shuttle service. It's windy today, very windy. This cigarette butt jettisoned from the drivers window could very easily have blown into the front yard of the house lying downwind of the van. Fire could have sparked, burning down whatever the wind directed it to. Yes this is an extreme outcome, and it didn't happen (I think). Even if it didn't start a fire there is still that used filter lying on the ground somewhere as a disgusting reminder of someone's deadly addiction and careless attitude towards the environment.

I feel very strongly that cigarettes should be made illegal. My grandmother stopped smoking nearly 22 years ago and is still suffering from the effects of them, currently in the form of lung cancer. So why is it that we still allow this shit? It smells awful, it does absolutely nothing good for our bodies or minds, and it kills people... millions of people! Children whose parents aren't responsible enough to smoke away from their children are forever going to be scarred, the people who actually do the smoking will suffer even more.

Yeah, I've heard it, they're addicting... All that says to me is weakness. If you don't like something about yourself or what you do, then you fix it. You stop. If you're killing yourself a little with each puff then why the fuck do you continue?! You have the power to stop it, that baby doesn't...

Closure

To start, I said that this would be a more positive blog. Meaning I would not dive into negativity, I would not throw myself pity parties, and I am going to hold true to that. That does not mean I will not write a serious blog now and then. This is one of them.

Today must have been one of the most interesting days of the past year of my life. Lee and I got together to finally talk through everything. He had been reading my old blog and had seen every post I had put up about him, which subconsciously was the goal of it all I think. I was angry with him, and after seeing my blogs he was angry with me, rightly so. Despite the anger leading up to the meeting, it was really subdued and mature.

We talked through everything I had posted, everything that I had learned of/thought about since we broke up a little over a year ago. Then we talked bout things inside our relationship that we hadn't talked about before, things that maybe we had been dishonest about. I apologized for the blogs, and for villainizing him for so long to both myself and my friends. We walked to Popejoy Hall so I could get to rehearsal on time and gave each other a hug goodbye. I trusted everything he told me, because he told me things that he didn't have to. Things I didn't need to know, and would possibly never know had he never told me.

Last January I posted a blog on my Livejournal about how I had suffered a broken heart but was going to use it to better myself. The last line of that read "Broken hearts are shit, but be thankful that the person who hurt you is chasing something new, and do the same. Love will always come around again, just give it time, and there is nothing wrong with remembering who you loved to get there." Today was a reprise of that statement and a finale to the longest relationship I have had at this point in my life. I finally feel that it is over, I no longer hold any negativity to the situation or the person it surrounds.

Right now... I feel lonely. I guess it's to be expected. I was reminded once again today that Lee is not a bad person, though I tried to cast him in the role of the antagonist. I fell in love with a great guy, now we've both moved on. I'm grateful I have our relationship behind me to remind me of what I am capable of.

Each Day a New Step!

I'm actually really surprising myself these days. Talking down the guy in my costume class gave me a boost of confidence that isn't going away. Here's the story, which I think the only two people who read this have already heard.

There's this really cute guy I work with, I've seen him over the past month or so and of course never had the guts to talk to him. Waved to him a few times but that's about it. I wasn't sure if he was even gay. I decided I would try and find a way to ask him out yesterday while at work, there were a few problems with this. 1) He was possibly straight, just because he's cute doesn't make him gay, this is not Queer as Folk after all! 2) He worked in a different area than me, an area that I had no reason to ever be in. and finally 3) I'm a chicken when it comes to cute guys, even if I could get up the courage to talk to him I'd never be able to ask him out. Well today things worked out well for my plan.
I was asked to do something new at my job, something that required me to share a work area with him. For the first few hours there were these two girls in the same area complaining about everything, I figured it probably wasn't a good idea to try and find out if he was gay with them around. Finally they left, I cleverly used that as a cue to ask for sticky notes and introduce myself. (LOL Corny as hell I know, but it worked) Well after that we talked for the next three hours of work. He was awesome, we were able to joke about a lot, he had a good appreciation for music, it was awesome. The gay thing never came up, but I was pretty certain he was by this point.
Work ended and we walked out together, he had to head to the Q lot shuttle, and I to the South lot shuttle, so I figured if I was going to do it, that was the time. I asked him if he'd like to get coffee sometime. (WHOW!! GUTSY!!!) To which he responded "Sure, but only as friends. I have a boyfriend." O_O